To promote civil society, treat children with respect: it’s the law
Jamila has gone through the kind of hell no child should have to endure. After her father died, her mother remarried. That was the beginning of a life of torture for the girl. "My new father started beating me every single moment. I had to leave home and stay in the streets," she said.
Years later, she still has no idea why her stepfather was so violent toward her, but she holds him accountable for delaying her education. "I was on streets for four years - of course without going to school," she said with tears in her eyes.
Jamila. Photo by: Hannington A. OchanNow 16, Jamila lives with her grandmother in a suburb of Yei town. She’s back at school, working her way through fourth grade, with supportive, caring teachers who know what she’s been through.
The saddest thing about Jamila’s story is that she’s not alone.
Conversations with parents and teachers revealed a surprising willingness to use unusually harsh forms of discipline on their children and pupils. What’s worse, they get away with it, even though it is against Sudanese law to punish a child beyond a level that inflicts unbearable pain.
But since police seem to turn a blind eye, parents are rarely, if ever, prosecuted.
Read also "Political change and the fate of street children" by Boboya Simon Wudu
In one particularly haunting case, a gentleman who wished to remain anonymous extolled his belief in severe discipline with a harrowing account. His sister, on discovering her seven year-old son had been stealing, placed the child’s hand in boiling water and held it there for five minutes.
At that point, "the skin had already peeled off," the boy’s uncle said. "He also lost some fingers and sustained a wound for months that left his right hand disfigured, but he learned a great lesson. From that moment on, he never stole again."
That was thirty years ago. Today, the man is convinced that his sister was right in subjecting her son to torture because it made him a "responsible citizen" whom he and his sister are proud of today. But at what price?
A mother of four told me if her children do something bad, she gives them a verbal warning, "but when they make the same kind of mistake again, I do not give them a meal."
"A child can never take you for granted once you refuse them food."
She said depriving a child of food as punishment for breaking family rules makes one more mindful of proper behaviour, adding, "A child can never take you for granted once you refuse them food." By her logic, children would heed the message that they’d be forced to go hungry every time they disobeyed their parents.
But what kind of life awaits a child suffering from such neglect?
According to Lemi Charles, a psychosocial counselor with Community Action for Social Economic Development (CAFSED), no child should ever be disciplined "beyond reasoning."
In his view, too many parents think it’s acceptable to express their love through harsh punishment.
Photo by: Dominik LehnertWe’ve all heard adults say, "Of course I love my children, but sometimes I really need to teach them a lesson."
True enough, but how that lesson is taught makes all the difference. An abundance of research shows that a high proportion of violent or victimized adults were severely disciplined through physical and/or emotional abuse as children.
This tragic cycle is passed on from generation to generation. When will it end?
Perhaps some of this cruelty can be traced to an extreme interpretation of a famous biblical passage in the Book of Proverbs that translates to "spare the rod, spoil the child." The conventional thinking is that parents should practice corporal punishment to keep children from following a destructive path.
Moreover, the interim government of Southern Sudan prohibits corporal punishment, torture and other degrading treatment of children in all settings, including the home.
Also by Ochan Hannington: "Traditional culture in conflict with education"
Teaching children obedience is important, but it must be done properly, Lemi said. He thinks many parents dole out punishment as though their children were criminals because the parents themselves were traumatised: either as children, or during the war (or both). A child’s slightest misstep can trigger a violent response when feelings of buried anger or pain come to the surface.
"Parents end up transferring their anger to their children," Lemi explained. "That is the reason they discipline their children ruthlessly."
The same theory applies to teachers who were slapped or struck with a cane by their own instructors as schoolchildren; chances are they grew up with the notion that this is an acceptable, constructive form of discipline.
One teacher at Salaam United Methodist Primary School in Yei said she disciplines children according to their ages. Her measures range from isolation or forced yard work around the school compound to striking them with a cane.
"Feeling embarrassed is enough to make someone break down and cry."
In lower classes, she is forgiving when a child makes a mistake for the first time. "But when they repeat their mistakes," she continued, "I tell their colleagues to laugh mockingly at them. And usually they feel ashamed of their acts. Feeling embarrassed is enough to make someone break down and cry."
Sadly, this may also humiliate the child enough to discourage him or her from learning, or even to lash out violently at others.
And it doesn’t end there. This teacher sees nothing wrong with using a cane on some errant pupils. "Two to three strokes of a cane is good on their buttocks," she said.
In fact, this is a breach of the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child, to which Sudan is a signatory.
Listen to Marvis Birungi's reportage "Take me to school"
Among the basic human rights listed in the internationally recognised document is protection from harmful influences, abuse and exploitation. Most child psychologists agree that violent discipline is both abusive and a harmful influence.
Abused children "may become more and more angry and aggressive for the rest of their entire lives," Lemi said.
Could this partly explain why there’s so much violence in our society?
Lemi’s advice to parents is to exercise restraint instead of acting quickly and resorting to harsh punishment of children.
"Take a deep breath and a moment of rest," he said, "until you regain your normal senses." That’s the time to discipline a child, he added, because it helps prevent the transfer of anger to children while teaching them self-control at the same time.
Child rearing can be frustrating and stressful, but it’s worth remembering that no child is inherently "bad." Babies blessed with good health at birth have every promise of opportunity and success if parents provide them with nurturing love.
